All the Things She Said?

I know it's been forever...but I'm back. Finals are done, Concertos and Sonatas are put to rest for a wee bit, and Pomp and Circumstance needs to be played 5,000 times on Monday.

I'm not here to talk about trumpets today...but more like..a duo


I'm talking about t.A.T.u.

What is about them that makes you wanna run away yet stay and listen at the same time? The simple hooks and badly pronounced English makes you wanna hit your head against the wall doesn't it?

I wish I could say that, but I'm a sucker for them. A big sucker. They came out when I was coming out when they hit American shores with 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane. I was up late one night and saw a commerical for the song "All The Things She Said" and immediately was taken by the ploy of girl on girl kissing...in school girl uniforms. "Finally! Someone who understands me!" I ran around the house screaming as I got ready to go to bed so I could be ready for my next day at a Catholic school.

I begged my mom for the cd...she knew I was a lesbian. I just wanted to listen to "my people's" music. I got it and blasted that thing from dawn til dusk...screaming the lyrics to "All the things she said" and "Not gonna get us" for ages.

I recall dancing to those songs non stop with my ex girlfriend (which now places me...in 2003?).

Who else sat through the MTV awards glued to the screen as t.A.T.u and hundreds of other young girls came tearing out of the audience and strip and make out?

Then...the dream came to a end when it was bluntly stated that the two girls were pretending to be lesbians and were actually dating men.

Was I angry? Maybe...but I looked on the bright side...we had an anthem. Regardless of the fact that they are dating men now...we have an anthem that sums up a lot of lesbian angst into a 3:34 song.

After that "scandal" they sotra disappeared off the face of the earth...but in 2005 they came back with "Dangerous and Moving". I don't actually...own the album per say, but I do enough a few tracks especially "All About Us".

I blasted that track numerous of times as me and my current girlfriend dated under a tremendous amount of pressure wanting to tear us apart. Hints of lesbianism lingered through the track, and in the video...keeping the hope alive?

From what I hear, there's a new album...and a movie that is slated to come out in September 2008...starring Mischa Barton, friend of the lezzies and not a lezzie herself.

*side note* Just come out all ready! You've played how many lesbian characters? (Katie Singer of Once and Again, played Mary Mouse, the friend to psycho lesbian Paulie of Lost and Delirious, played a bi curious chick on the OC, and now you will be playing the lead lesbian in a film...about tatu...based off a book of lesbian erotica...due to tatu?)

Whatever the deal is people have with these two girls...I actually like them. Sure their videos may be brutally dark, and their songs you can get sick of because it sounds like a strobe light going at 1,000 mph. I think some of the songs are ok, and some of them are really open minded. I have a song to listen to and NOT change pronouns....

It's almost April, and that means it's almost time for school to be over and summer to finally start up. This summer I may be taking lessons with my teacher now. I agree with her on the fact that I shouldn't go through an entire summer without some sort of lessons. I am in a major comeback mode, and to stop lessons so quickly would be slightly harmful to my recovery. I like to take it upon myself to say that I'm not the average music major. Averagelly, a music student would play in high school and go on to audition at several colleges, get accepted and be thrown face first into the scary world we know as the music major. The average music major is placed into intense courses of music theory, ear training, different ensembles, and private lessons.

Why am I differet? First, I'm a transfer student. I was a music major for half a semester at a previous college, and transfered in as undeclared with the an intended path towards history/politcal science. Second, I have had major trauma to my most unsed body part in trumpet playing. Combined with a year of not playing at all and to be thrown in face first (yet again) it's a whole new ball game.

I was cleaning my room, and I was thinking about what I should play next semester. What should I work on? What other major trumpet pieces are out there? I realized that I did save one piece of paper from my time at CW Post, which was the required and recommended list that was given to all trumpet students upon acceptance. I found it, and I'm thinking the Hummel Trumpet Concerto.

On top of the list was the Louis Davidson Trumpet Technique book, which I have been incorporating into my warm up routine. I finally have one.
1)Buzz mouthpiece
2) hit a few low notes
3) go through a few series in the Louis Davidson trumpet Technique Book

and then it's tackle that week's work (right now it's cleaning up the 1st movement of the Hindemith Sonata, and venturing into the 2nd movement.)

I may be playing at the upcoming recital. I may be doing the 1st movement of the Hindemith because my teacher wants me to play along with a piano since it is a sonata.

I have been trying to get a feel for it through SmartMusic, but it annoys the crap out of me. It feels like the beat the computer sets to the piece and the actual accompainment are completely different, I tune with the computer and the tuner at home, and it two different answers.

gah, I hate SmartMusic. I do benefit from their jazz scale exercises, but that's for my jazz class. I feel sorta unsatisfied that I paid 25 bucks for this subscription...but then again it was only 25 bucks compared to the average 100 bucks. Maybe I am getting what I paid for.

Music major once again

I'm an official Music Major now. My paper has been signed by me, and is just waiting for signature of the chair, and then I will be transferred to a music advisor and I will shortly be scheduling my classes within two weeks.

I feel like I've come so far since my days at Post. I always wanted to teach music in some way since I was in grade school, but I wasn't ready to accept the fate of a music major I guess. It's constant practice, homework, and then you have the general ed classes which can be a pain. I'm glad I can minor in English here whereas at Post I couldn't (well I was a Music Ed major, so I was techincally minoring in education i guess?)

If everything goes right I will be taking 17 credits next semester which is a heavy load and I will be giving up my Thursdays at work because I am going to play in orchestra (I can hear the department shouting its praises after going after me for a year).

Jazz is going ok, not great. I'm having trouble with soloing, I'm just not as focused on it as I used to be. Between finding this new obsession with the broad term "classical music", and everyday life, jazz hasn't been in my life as much as it used to be.

My jazz instructor emailed me to suggest s few things, that I will apply to being a MUSIC major, not just a JAZZ MUSIC major. I understand, being a music major, there is a shitload of practicing which I am willing to do. I used to pay 4-6 hours a day in High School (between jazz practice, band practice, jazz combo, and then working at home, and working in the practice rooms). Sure I have to re consider my life, fit music back where it used to be. I really want to be a music history professor, and I want to study and research.

I'll manage.

During my audition, I met the other trumpet professor here and he was telling me about the (now out of print) Louis Davidson trumpet technique book. I actually own a copy because I needed it in CW Post, and he told me to warm up everyday on it. Right now I'm just repeating series I, and series II on it. I need a regular warm up routine, even if it means that the only thing I'm playing that day.

I think i'm going to try to incorporate the SmartMusic more into my practice routine, and actually practice my jazz everyday whether it be improvising a solo over the accompainment or just doing ii-V-I scale progressions over and over. Every bit helps right??

Finally...

I finally got someone to say to my face "you're not really that good at trumpet." I was on the train with a classmate and we were talking/bitching about how the levels of muscianship is everywhere in jazz. I honestly came right out and said "i can be better, I can do better." and she said "yes, you can do better, you can warm up everyday, listen everyday, and practice everyday."

I'm in a dilemma, classical or jazz. I was writing about how I've finally been tamed by this musical creature, and she has me on a classical kick. I have the potential to be great, I know I do, I feel it inside. I can be a great classical trumpeter. I can also be a jazz trumpeter. But where do I go from here?

I'm working a lot on classical. I'm learning classical theory, I'm learning classical trumpet techniques. I can take the jazz theory class again and try to retain my memory, and if only there was more trumpet part in our jazz ensemble (yes, an actual jazz ensemble that all based really around the rhythmn section and vocalists. I only play 2 songs. What the fuck is going on??)

I have my audition in 2 days, I feel like I'm in a whirlwind of emotions. Not to mention my audition date is on Good Friday, do not make me go there...cause I will.

All men must die

I have my audition coming up in about a week and half. Granted I am of course, still not perfect on my pieces and thankfully I have this week off to get what needs to be done...well, done! This audition will tell me if I am an official music major (or music major...again).

What is the draw of music? Why do I always find myself going back to it, even if it has caused me problems upon problems?

Why do I play the trumpet and why do I love it so much that I've dedicated myself forever to it by placing a very detailed (and well done) portrait of a trumpet on my right arm?

I love the challenge of it, I love the fact that I'm a minority within the trumpet world. I love the sound of the trumpet, I love the fact it can be loud and bold and soft and sweet. I love the sound I have when I blend in with my saxphone partner in jazz band. As much as I hate playing high notes, I love the sound that I make with my trumpet.

I can do without the constant spit dripping out of my mouthpiece as I warm up, I can do without the fact that half of my floor is moist from the horn. I can deal without the constant pain I put myself through, and I can deal without the vesa vego that I get after playing for long periods.

But I love it despite all the things I can deal without.

Why do I keep coming back to the music? I don't know. It's a sickness that I have. I don't want to sound like everyone else "oh music is/was an escape from real life." I agree though, music was the only thing that never left me during the hard times and the easy times. I had something to keep my mind occupied as I came out and as I used to self harm.

I was known for my music, known for my trumpet, for my dedication. Music taught me patience and dedication. It also taught me the pressures of trying to achieve perfection. Pressures that have often made me sick. But I love it.

I tried to deny my music once, and I wasn't myself. I kept my instruments locked away and left for collecting dust. And then I was found by the music department. And then I got hurt and almost lost the ability to play.

I'm not and was never easy to train. I'm a renegade music major. I don't do things the "proper way." I left my music career behind, when I switched schools. I was done, I was going into music. And then they found me, and I took one class...then two classes...and then three...and then four...all without declaring. I knew the moment I took that plunge I was theirs. I didn't want to become the poster child or such. I felt like everyone who tried to get me to become one would earn a finder's fee. I've had 3 trumpet teachers and only one is able to train me. Only one made it to the point where all she has to do is say something and I jump to it. The other two, I didn't even bother. I couldn't be tamed by their ways.

I've taken the freshman year of a music major without declaring. I've finally became tamed by a trumpet professor.

I'm playing the Hindemith at my audition because i want to. It needs a lot of work but dammit I'm going...even though the damn 3rd movement is slow as death...hence the effing title of "All men must die".

Silly rant...silly day...I'm cold, and sore from playing all day.

How about that episode of the L Word last night??? What do you say?

I wish I was stuck in a black out with my lover and it's way to hot for clothes.

Kate and I are going to see a concert...and not work it. Guess who we are seeing?


Avril Lavigne's Best Damn Tour at the Collesium on April 11.

Avril's first tour was my first concert...

and now 500+ concerts later I'm finally going to a concert that I'm a paying patron. I think the last concert I went to was...AFI in 2006?


a lot of pretty boys in tight jeans and eye make up, kissing each other. *sigh* We even met 2 other lesbian couples there as we held our respective girlfriends in our arms.

The Pogues are playing at Roseland next weekend but Kate wouldn't go with me haha. Besides I took out enough for the two Avril tickets, and the Pogues were 20 dollars more.

But Hey, hey...You, you

I can't wait to be in the mist of hundreds of screaming girls...and realize I've been following Avril for close to 5 years.

Hey everyone. I've had a action packed weekend at work. We had TNA Wrestling there on Friday. The main event was Kurt Angle


and then Saturday was Bret Michaels


I also got my haircut on Saturday. The trumpet tattoo is doing well.

I also went to the doctors to get the low down on what's going on with my jaw. They think I may have TMJ syndrome. It hurts right now, but I got through my Sight Singing class. I'm actually loaded with work (but I'm here talking to you guys). There are about 2 papers I need to do, midterms to study for, homework to be taken care of.

But...

The L Word is still rocking my weekends!